ON ACCEPTING THE FRENCH IDEA OF GENIUS:

How cute is this guy? Do you see him? He didn't hide very well. As I exited my jeep, groceries in hand I was all..."Well, hello! How are you doing Mr. Snake? I trust you are keeping my yard free from creepy crawlies. If so, carry on, and keep up the good work. I'll remind people not to poke at you, and to keep Bruce away. What sort of snake are you?"

So I went down my mental snake list: no rattle (check), no markings for other poisonous snakes (check), basic brown stripey snake (check), too small to be a threat (check)...fine by me. It's a garter snake, of course, although a fairly big one in my experience. He's about 2 feet long, and that's on the "damn" end of the spectrum for a garter snake. The ones I've seen/stepped on in the past have been around 1/2 foot shorter. So, I'll keep him. At the very least he's some evidence that there aren't many (if any) really big guys hanging around outside. He is hanging out underneath the azaleas in a prime snake-smorgasbord location: birds hang out there, so do lizards and skinks. There are plenty of bugs scrambling through the underbrush as well. My bet is he's munchin on skinks...I would. And I'm very happy that he's selected an out of the way place to be. He's not IN my garden, or near a Bruce stomping ground. What a very repsectful snake. I suspect that he's probebly been dislocated by some recent tree and brush removal in the neighbor's yard. Poor little fella.

I swear my yard is like the mutual of omaha wild kingdom, or it's like that microcosmos movie.

Some other things I witness quite frequently:
-birds of all kinds including some fancy magnolia warblers, piliated woodpeckers and some sort of parrot thing
-squirrel invasions
-cicadias
-crazy giant beetles of allsorts
-skinks
-lizards
-praying manti (-isi? -ses?)
-butterflies and moths
-nightmarish worms (seriously, some hammerheaded predator worms that look like tiny snakes)
-roaches of allsorts
-centipedes and millipedes (huge!)
-bees and wasps of all varieties
-random dogs and cats
-bats

Things others have seen, but I have not:
-a deer
-a rabbit or two
-a fox thing

Things up the road:
-horses...goddamn horses, always with the goddamn horses!



If I had a chicken would the snake try to eat it? Hmm...I want a chicken.

I been gone. Now I am here, in sunny overcast and muggy (and suspicously pinesol scented) Aiken. Where have I been, you may ask? Well, I was in the magically cold land of Ohio...running up and down flights of magically annoying stairs with boxes of nostalgia. Translation: I were helpsin my momma with a garage sale while poppy was out of town. The garage sale was a rousing semi-success of sorts. Since the goal was to get rid of crap, we did just that. No one really made too much money, but people bought. People were happy and pleased (except for Grandma, who was "don't sell that!" and "I'll buy that" and "Don't just give things away"...she was unpleasant and old, but I did threaten to hit her cat with a rock...so, I'm unpleasant too); a few bucks were made, and the people at Volunteers of America had a lot of donations when it started to rain. Stupid rain. I had fun. I like big projects, and I like to visit my family. I miss them. Why I gotta be so far away?

Here are some highlights:

1. Held a brand new baby with brand new baby smell.
2. Got to visit my aunt and cousins in So. Ohio for a minute.
3. Nice long drives through mountains allow me to smile and think...and SING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS (p.s. thanks to vicki for spoiling me with tapes)
4. I only fell down the steps once (and possibly broke some little bone in my foot which still hurts), my brother only text messaged my sister to tell her that I fell, and only two people (bob and boyfriend) laughed uproariously when they found out.  Dicks!
5. I got punched in the boob by a toddler.
6. I got shoved off the bed by a toddler.
7. I scared the crap out of a toddler and laughed about it. (so did his momma)
8. I got new tires, despite not wanting new tires (thank yous to daddy)
9. I ate a lot of bad food (my family does not, it seems, share my craving for vegitables)
10. I got to see the Ohio State Fair from a distance on the day before it opened, and I whined...I WANT TO SEE THE BUTTER COW!
11. I read the second and third Twilight book, WHICH I STILL HATE because that is the most boring fucking vampire I have ever read about in my entire life of reading about vampires (which is significant given my reading tendencies). I hate Bella and think that she will be the cause of a lot of distorted views towards gender and sexuality among adolescents (goddamn is she boring)...but...but...(shhhhhh) but...I fucking love Jacob! Goddamn I love a werewolf no matter how bad the book, it seems! I don't even want to read the last one, because I KNOW what happens...even without spoilers I know what's going to happen. It's so obvious that the only character I like will become a pedophile...so you twilight geeks, I already know. I ALREADY KNOW.
12. I also read a really bad book called "Book of Shadows" (soooo badly written and stupid)  and a very good book called "Jesus Christ on the Road to Cana" by ...MOTHERFUCKING ANNE FUCKING RICE who can make the bible fucking hot! HOT! Anne Rice can make the Bible hot and Stephenie (ZOMG! who the fuck told her to spell her name like that says "mandie"...heh, I'm a dick...) Meyers can't even make a vampire hot. SIGNS OF THE APOCOLYPSE!!! Signs, my friends!
13. There are some things I am forgetting...forgive me.

So, I'm home now. Home to delicious tomato sandwiches, and my own pillow, and my very demanding dog who missed me so. And home to my Roy who is now screaming from the other room that I'm ignoring him...ah, home. Sticky, pinesol scented home.

(I feel like I've been asleep for a week and a half.)

Click the pic to go to the flickr page and see more.

Hello, am in SC. Am so tired that dying may be a favorable option. So, this is a quick email to say: we made it. We are unpacked. My parents (who are the most wonderful parents in the world...do not even try to argue with me right now, just take it as fact) just took of to return to Ohio. This place is starting to feel a bit more like home, at first I was worried and uncomfortable (the Amanda is a creature of habit), and now I think we're starting to settle. Of course there are still boxes and boxes to unpack. Things started to feel a bit better yesterday when (after a serious money panic attack by yers truely--who is a bit of a tightwad, to be honest) we bought a fridge and a bed (a new mattress and box springs, the first I've ever owned). I am coming to terms with the abundance of nature which surrounds me (there was an effing deer in my backyard...wtf?) and creeps along the ground. I have met my fine neighbors (a Mr. Lee Poe and a Mr. Lemont something-or-t'other) who are quite spry for their age. The town is loverly, the weather is humid but beautiful. AC is a fascinating new thing. We do have more unpacking, cleaning and yard work to do, but we're taking it easy today...we are, undoubtedly, exhausted.

In related news, I am already feeling a slight sting of missing y'all...which is odd because none of you lived near me anymore anyway. And, I would like to remind each and every one of y'all that there is room to stay. Please come to visit, I know it's a very long way from the places you live, but I promise you it's worth a look-see.

I need to catch up on all of your entries, I know some amazing things are happening to everyone. I promise to do so soon, but right now I need to go sit on my ass and drink some iced tea (Priority One for Tuesday!).