ON ACCEPTING THE FRENCH IDEA OF GENIUS:

All anyone can do is talk about the weather, and this time with purpose, no small talk here (even the shallow folk, moi, are waxing all philosophical and itchy). Ill wind, loves, ill wind. Okay, Southwest Michigan is not Southern Europe (shocker, indeed), but something is going on here, because no one feels right in their skin. It could be that outside any AC it feels like breathing through a wet rag (and there's no AC for me...well, I guess here at work, but moving in and out of it really hurts more than it helps). What we need is rain and negative ions. Something to lift the large weight of atmosphere that's pushing us all groundward and doing strange things to our brains. (I did start part three of the long poem last night, "Rose of Sharon" is the working title...this will be the paradise section, although what kind of paradise mandie invisions ultimatly will not be the kind a more thoughtful, sensitive person will invision. It's gotten weird, I felt possessed; so, in the end maybe the weight of gravity will be a good thing, I mean it don't make for happy poems, but it do make for serious strangenesses. BGN is off limits for me until the weather breaks, otherwise it will eat my soul and the sorrows will pile up on Winter's head like a soap opera of gaylicious proportions.) COME ON THUNDER!!! Who knows anyone who can do a rain dance? Call them, tell them it's not about crops or the water table, but something far more important.

IS something looming all wicked and contrary? Probebly not. But ain't we all chock full of miasma and anticipated misfortune? And don't that make us see misfortune everywhere, or at least plain dumb luck and poor circumstance? So really it's us maybe? and not the wind? But if we need something to blame I suggest weather as a scapegoat. Weather or astronomy (dog days of summer...dog star biz), yup, why not? I mean we are so completely sane and blameless. Or, I'm wrong and will be attacked by a legion of hot air ballooning spiders this time, and the giant quarter will hit me, and every magic shop in the immediate and outlying areas will be closed to me, and a big wind will blow me into who knows what (only that it's quite uncomfortable), and no one's finaid checks will clear, and no one will love us quite the same way ever because we are filled with dibilitating panic, and we will even forget how to spell dibilitating, and maybe our own names correctly...why not? (None of those things seem particularly tragic on a grand scale though.)


So...for those of you whose skin is crawling in Mid-August Kalamazoo, and those who want to sympathize: the OED's Sirocco entry.

1. a. An oppressively hot and blighting wind, blowing from the north coast of Africa over the Mediterranean and affecting parts of Southern Europe (where it is also moist and depressing). Usually with the.

1617 MORYSON Itin. I. 211 The South-East winde (which the Italians call Syrocco) did blow very contrary to us. 1667 MILTON P.L. x. 706 Forth rush..Eurus and Zephir with thir lateral noise, Sirocco, and Libecchio. 1756-7 tr. Keysler's Trav. (1760) II. 96 The woods south of Rome are kept up as a fence against the Sirocco, or south-west wind. a1791 WESLEY Serm. lxix. Wks. 1811 IX. 251 There will be no Sirocco in Italy. 1818 MRS. E. H. ILIFF Poems sev. Occas. (ed. 2) 120 When dire Sirocco..From Afric's burning sands mephitic vapours brings. 1859 HAWTHORNE Marble Faun xl, Where the sirocco steals away their strength. 1884 F. M. CRAWFORD Rom. Singer I. 21 The sirocco was blowing up and down the streets.



transf. 1848 J. S. ROBINSON Sk. Gt. West 17 The dreaded Sirocco..burns us even through our clothes. 1870 Weekly Standard (Buenos Aires) 21 Dec. (Suppl.) col. 6 The Sirocco on Wednesday was so terrible that in the effort to keep cool, the mind reverted to icebergs and Polar travels but all in vain. 1872 E. BRADDON Life India ii. 14 From the west blows a scorching wind, the sirocco of..the Daodpore desert.



1819 SHELLEY Lett. Prose Wks. 1880 IV. 134 My health is better so long as the scirocco blows. 1861 E. A. BEAUFORT Egypt. Sepulch. & Syrian Shrines II. 223 Under the balmy skies of the early spring, before the horrible scirocco begins to blow. 1866 HOWELLS Venet. Life iii. 33 The insidious heat of the scirocco.



b. With a and pl.

1700 J. JACKSON Let. 2 Feb. in Private Corr. S. Pepys (1926) I. 278 But the weather being changed and the Sciroccos now blowing into the place of the Tramontains, this design is become impracticable. 1820 BYRON Mar. Fal. I. ii. 572 The atmosphere is thick and dusky; 'Tis a sirocco. 1884 St. James's Gaz. 11 Dec. 10/2 The storm..was followed by a sirocco, which lasted until noon.



1841 FITZGERALD Lett. (1889) I. 71 We have incessant rain, which is as bad as your sciroccos. 1860 MRS. HARVEY Cruise Claymore vii. 134 A khamseen was blowing;..this wind, which is an exaggerated scirocco, brings clouds of hot sand from the desert.



c. fig. A blighting influence; a fiery storm.

1864 G. A. SALA Quite Alone I. ii. 40 Now Scandal's sirocco seized a spiteful anecdote, and twirled and twisted and sent it spinning. 1865 J. H. INGRAHAM Pillar of Fire (1872) 401, I..have passed through a sirocco of the soul.



2. ellipt. A sirocco drying-machine (see 3).

1890 Daily News 2 Sept. 2/5 When the hops have been sufficiently rolled..they are..placed in the drying machine or sirocco. 1892 WALSH Tea 105 In the process of ‘firing’ the leaves are..placed in layers in a hot-air machine, known as a ‘Sirocco’.



3. attrib., as sirocco blast, -dust, fog, gale, weather, wind; also sirocco fan, a fan for forcing a strong current of air into a mine, etc.; sirocco drying-closet, drying-machine, oven, a closet, machine, or oven for drying hops or tea-leaves, by means of a hot, moist current of air (cf. 2).

1894 GLADSTONE Horace III. xxiii. 5 Your vines shall mock *scirocco blasts.


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1885 C. G. W. LOCK Worksh. Rec. Ser. IV. 115/2 About a third of the tea..is cured in Davidson's so-called ‘*sirocco’ drying-closets.
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1890 Pall Mall G. 1 Oct. 2/3 The first ‘*Sirocco’ drying machine (in which hops are being made into tea).
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1879 Encycl. Brit. X. 266/1 The dust or sand of dried lakes..borne away into the upper regions of the atmosphere,..may descend again..in the form of ‘red-fog’, ‘sea-dust’, or ‘*sirocco-dust’.
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1861 E. A. BEAUFORT Egypt. Sepulch. & Syrian Shrines II. xxiii. 295 The mountains..were veiled in a dreamy, sad-looking *scirocco fog.
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1895 F. M. CRAWFORD Casa Braccio xxxvi, Then came November with its pestilent *sirocco gales and its dampness.
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1890 Daily News 2 Sept. 2/5 The machinery consists of a *Sirocco oven and a patent tea roller.
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1897 HUGHES Mediterranean Fever v. 193 It [sc. ice] will also be needed in warm and *sirocco weather.
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1777 A. ADAMS in Fam. Lett. (1876) 253 The same effect..which..the *sirocco winds have upon the inhabitants of Sicily. 1794 SULLIVAN View Nat. I. 19 An enfeebling and unhinging power, like that of the Sirocco wind.
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Please rock me like a hurricaine,
Girly Lama

Okay, who knew spiders could construct elaborate hot air ballons out of their bodies and fly through the air? Okay, yes, I saw charlotte's web too, bitches, but this was NO baby spider! This was one of those large assed, orangey striped spiders (a tabby cat of a spider, a meow mix eating Morris of a spider) and it was flying through the air towards me...towards me!! And get this...it was attempting to catch a fly mid air and eat it. (I just had the worst involuntary shudder just then, maybe I shouldn't talk about this?) So, airborne spider special forces attack goes by me in the driveway, my response..."WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT? OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?" at the top of my lungs as it drifts only 3 feet from me. Then, I freeze,and Roy walks out of the house as I am frozen (literally) big-eyed and pale beside the car. (P.S. if the spider had gotten any closer to me I may have died of cat sized flying spider induced heart attack!) Roy looks at me funny, scans the driveway and says "What's wrong?" in this really strange way that makes me think that I probebly look like a psychopath or Haley Jo Osmont in 6th Sense, I just shake my head no and start wobbling. So he runs over and I can't make words to explain the cat/spider/hotair balloon creature who had invaded my space, finally I get it out and he says "Nuh, uh." My response: "How am I gonna make that up?"

What interests me is that I am the witness to so many spider lives. We have decided that spiders are not, as I believe, drawn to the smell of my fear, but that I am just more aware of their presence. (PS later last night, tiny spider on the toilet paper!!! TOILET PAPER! That goes near my junks, and I DO NOT want no spider, no matter how tiny up near my biddness...dang.) But I am starting to disagree, I am, it seems, under attack...that's my theory.

Okay, time passes, Mandie calms down from surreal spider situation and is driving Roy's sweet ride to Hardings (Jewel-Osco for you old school dorks), as I am stopping at the light on the corner of Vine and Westnedge, a truck makes a left from vine to Westnedge in front of me, and a huge (10 feet at least) circular wooden sign pops out of the back of his pickup, bounces twice, and rolls like a quarter towards me. I do the only thing I can do while trapped in stopped traffic, I close my eyes and wait for the damned thing to run me over. So, I wait like 10 seconds, open my eyes, and it has rolled right past me (hoo-roar!) and is doing the big quarter thing where it rolls on it's edge for a while before flopping down about 8 feet behind me. Close call bitches, and how do you tell your insurance company that you were crushed by a giant quarter? I mean, without them laughing?

Less bizzare stuff: the laundry is done so I am wearing honest-to-goodness underpants instead of biker shorts posing as underpants. Sweet. Underpants! The bridal shower invites have been sent out (don't go running to ya'll's mailboxes you ain't invited). Family fight of the week, my Aunt Mary is gonna be two toes short of a full shoe when I get done with her (more on that later...goddamn old bar whore tries to act all class when really she's all ass). Trip to save a lot this afternoon (any taker's rabbit...I mean ima goin anyways?), to get fud. My glasses are in at Sam's so I should get those sometime. Demolition Derby on Saturdayday...cowboy up! And after work today I have some physical therapy on my hand.

Not broken. ha ha, no cast for me. Dr. Bhatt sd he thought it were broken too, but it were not. So...three X-rays, and two confused physicians later here are the results: we don't know. Great. At least the school ins covered my visit and xrays. "Put some ice on it and rub it every once in a while." That's great advice. I do have an appointment at sports med next thursday for some physical therapy...for a bump...on my hand...um...that's not a sports injury (unless you count the fact that I got it from a rasslin' move).

I have an appointment in 1/2 hour for Dr. Bhatt to look at my hand. I asked arount and somebody said that it might be this type of cysty thing (GROSS GROSSSS GROSSSSSSSS!) that happens when a tendon is injured and that they would need to drain it (OMG I THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A BIT THERE...VURP!), or it could be something else. So I am mad, because I do not want a cast or a "drain" I am grossed out. It looks funny though, so that's why I agreed finally to go (despite my hatred of going to the doctor).

NYAHHHHHH. More later when I know something. Who wants to sign my cast if I get one?

And no more fist fights.

Too bad it's already gone on eBay.

http://www.disturbingauctions.com/

Okay. So, since you are all brilliant please send idears, here is the plan as of today.

SLEEPOVER CAMP (if you haven't seen this movie you are lame, if you have you are lamer) LIVING ROOM:
1. The tent is going up. (An added bonus, somebody/bodies can sleep in it later on ...a portable guest room)
2. The x-mas tree, sans lights and decorations, is a going up.
3. Am draping couches with red and black flannel.
4. I don't think I need to say "lots of body parts" but I will.
5. A few tree branches here and there. Maybe some fake shrubs, flowers? (dead of course).
6. I am thinking about how to make a faux campfire/fireplace somewhere in the room...I am at a loss, but feel it would be an excellent addition to the theme.
7. Camping props: flashlights, canteens, sleeping bags, bedrolls, an axe (duh), lanterns, hiking boots, backpacks, birds (those gross ones I have...ewh), maybe the werewolf (although he is working against the scene really...but wolf...that's outside-ish).
8. What if I threaded some smaller branches through/around the light fixture in the middle of the ceiling? That might cast some cool shadows around the room.

Any other strange/wonderful things ya'll can suggest?

The themes for the other rooms are as follows:
Dining room: either a continuation of the camp/slaughter theme or...Miss Havisham's wedding.
Kitchen: Dr. Frankenstein's Laboratory (I think I need to make a Frankenstein's monster for this!)
Office: Make out room/Sin den
Bathroom: draped in plastic sheeting, blood everywhere

Always open for suggestions on those rooms too.

Is rubbing off on her boss, who called her five minutes ago to laugh about some lady's outfit. And laugh we did! Oh, I am not a mean bad person am I? I feel panicky right now because I think that perhaps I am, ouch..my soul hurts, my most of me is achy, and I am cruel and wicked but don't even know it, maybe? Maybe that too, yes. maybe. And also am I so bad that I don't even know what I've said sometimes? Yes, probebly that too. Most likely that too. "Snarky?" Who said that first? I don't remember, but that also...snarky and sarcastic and unintentionally hurtful. I don't know, maybe I don't have emotions, maybe I'm not human ("you're not human it doesn't affect you.") but am just a jerk of a monkey.


Welcome, my friends, to the transition between manic and tragic, we like to call it self-pity and regret with a creamy center of total befuddletude. And no, you may need your whole seat, it could take a while for me to pick a direction. The 4th roast coffee is making my hands shake. I want to eat something other than slim fast. I don't wanna leave town this weekend. I am supposed to be sending out invitations for a bridal shower that has no date (to date). I feel lazy and neurotic at the same time. I don't feel very good, my stomach hurts, and I have a sinus headache. I probebly should have done something very different with my life. Why can't I be happy with a stupid day job? Why can't I be happy and dumb and leave everything at some 9-5 where there's no weight of judgement looming over me like a rabid student loan officer? Why don't I just drink myself silly at the bar? I see people who do this, they seem happy, they seem just fine in their lives. Why is it always little things that eat me alive? I want a big obvious problem with a big obvious solution, but none of my problems even exist, they just mass up, a bunch of smaller illusions and sit on my forehead (right where the crease forms "the curse" between my eyebrows like some sign of the beast) or on my chest and punch me in the neck periodically. Or maybe this is what it is, a small attack of randomly generated guilt/sadness that has no focus and no purpose other than to drive me slowly batshit.

What brought this on? I dunno. I never know. My mom sd I needed crazy pills, I sd no, I am okay with my crazy...and most of the time it's true. Right now I feel like I have too many things to do, but when I sit and think about them they aren't even there.

argh. I just wanna go to bed.

You scored as Donald Duck. Your alter ego is Donald Duck! Try as you might, you have a nasty temper that is hard to control. But you try hard to please, and you arn't one to go down without a fight. </td> Donald Duck 94% Peter Pan 81% Cruella De Ville 75% Goofy 69% The Beast 69% Sleeping Beauty 69% Ariel 56% Cinderella 50% Snow White 44% Pinocchio 25% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Satanism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism. </td> Satanism 75% Buddhism 71% Paganism 71% agnosticism 67% Hinduism 50% Islam 46% Christianity 42% Judaism 38% atheism 29% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

#4. Bad temper.
#8. Unfocused rage.
#12. Has a tendency to hit or throw things.

I am a very, very horrible girl, who does very, very horrible things. But...maybe people do just have to throw down once in a while. The good news is, all is quiet on the home front, all is lovey albiet the slightly guilty feeling eminating through the air. I am indeed a lucky girl, for many reasons.
Reason One: We got it all out.
Reason Two: There are no real witnesses, save for one small dog.
Reason 3: There's no permanent damage (mental, emotional or physical)
Reason Four: We forgive nicely, and will eat ice cream together.

Still guilty feeling, but at least we got it out of our systems? Who knows...everybody fights sometimes.

I would not be writing to say that all the crazy doin it that's been rockin' the south park daily and nightly for like three weeks, well...it has left me with a wrist injury. That's right! I have a repetative motion injury from the freaky naughty lovin. My left wrist hurts like a sumbitch, and it's all wrapped up tight in an ace bandage. So, for all ya'll please take this as a warning: too much cowgirl = a sprain you don't wanna have to explain at the student health center. Yee haw and yippie kye aye! (at least it wasn't reverse cowgirl? and my jaw seems to be fine.)

Now who is thinking TMI (too much information...I didn't say TMJ - I sz my jaw is fine), can I see a show of hands? (if you need to throw up, please move away from your keyboard, I'm pretty sure that could mess up your computer.)

Lata parders! (ka pow pow! "Rassafrakin")


"I got my hat I got my horse, I'm gonna ride out into the next town; spend all my money on absolutely nothing, don't need no man to pay for anything. I got no shame, nobody knows my name; I'm gonna ride out into the next town. Pecos Bill, Ol' Hank hold on, I'm a female cowpoke with a song..."

HEH COWPOKE!!! (hootypoke) "That's what she said!"

I have been on hold for 12 minutes, oh wait!

Now am on hold after talking to dumb girl who is wondering why I think that I don't owe 30 cents for my graduate student tuition remission....wtf? Is this for real? For really real? How can I owe on a remission? Chrissakes, even I can understand this type of math. Yesterday they had given me two stipends, we corrected that and they pulled both of them...now I have no stipend. Fucking Idiots!!!!

Also yesterday I asked about my Federal Loans, AFTER talking to them about them having overcredited me, and they said "You make too much to qualify." I was floored! They had just said they paid me too much accidentally, now they said I made too much money despite KNOWING the budget they had wasn't correct! Morons! They have one motherfucking job, and they can't do it right.

I have now been on hold for 6 minutes while dumb girl picks grundies from her ass.

Here's a scenerio: I order a hamburger from Mickey D's.

Oh, dumb girl picked up, am now on hold for someone else because , lordy be, she can't figure out the problem...uh. I'm shocked.


Now the new lady couldn't figure out the problem...I AM TOTALLY T.P.ing FINAID!!

More later.

http://www.jeffgoldblumiswatchingyoupoop.com/

No, really. Really, really.


http://www.darwinawards.com/

GET OUT OF THE GENE POOL...dang.



Ms. A...I found this, you might be able to use it for that Urban Legends assignment. http://www.snopes.com/


For yuns who caint unnerstan me sumtimes, oncet ya read this here, ya'll should git it.
http://rinkworks.com/dialect/
Theys other thangs sides redneck speak. I thinks theys mite be s'mother die-leks too.

S'all fer now bitches.

http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html


My personal favorites:
Checking for squirrels
Caping the Crusader

You'll have to check out the site to know what I mean.

I'm off to Jocelyn my Elders.

So...a string of curse words for your amusement...fucking shit hole cocksucking motherfucker assclown tit bag!


And trust me the long ass entry I wrote was much more amusing...but I don't have time to rethink it...it was in the moment, and the moment has passed.

ASSSSSS!

Turns out that other people, nicer people (J-drive), get to be superman. So, my theory has a flaw...Roy is spiderman, and I am his venom (that's right, a symbiote motherfucker). These tests are pointlessly stupid, so what's the draw? I hate tests in school, but will stay up late answering ridiculous questions concocted by half-literate im junkies. OOoohh, I want my inner demons spelled out and analysed by a fifteen year old boy who is wasting time creating a quiz on a computer matchmaking site before Aqua Teen comes on at midnight. And then I think it's fun to share my "sexy results" with the two people who actually read this...hello neighbors! It's kind of like airing out period-stained undies on the communial clothesline...
private/public/whatever, they've gotta get clean somehow. DIRTY DIRTY...ha ha.

So, yes, a waste of time, and a beautiful public display of unmentionables. What a marvel, this internet dealie.
I rant but...
Dear pals,
please find below the results of my "Swearing Test" Apparently, I have a fucking dirty mouth! This too is no surprise...what's surprising is that other people don't. I'm shocked into stupor.

Genius Fucker You scored 28 relevance and 25 creativity!

You are a connoiseur of bad language. Congratulations, Fuckball! Not only do you swear when appropriate (and inappropriate), you are colorful with your cocksucking concoctions. Bravo! Now go out there and continue to make the world your bitch by peppering those stuckup motherfuckers with words and phrases that make the hair on their asses curl up. And if they don't like it...well, fuck'em.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on relevance You scored higher than 98% on creativity

Link: The Swear Word Usage Test written by nastyhabits on OkCupid Online Dating

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:	Chicken McNuggets
Your Favorite Target:	Retail workers
Your Kill Count:	1,796,382,720
Your Battle Cry:	"My kidneys tingle with pleasure!"
Years You Spend in Jail:	46
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:	$307,967,438,656,414
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 75%
Quiz created with MemeGen!