ON ACCEPTING THE FRENCH IDEA OF GENIUS:

Q: Can you help me file my taxes?

A: No. No, I cannot do that. No.

---

Why would anyone expect the GC to help them file their taxes? Why would anyone expect me to help them file their taxes? Am I missing something? Is there a logical leap that I'm just not seeing?

Now, mind you, I get a lot of weird questions. Actually, Rabbit and I were just discussing some of the odd daily questions I receive.

A list of my favorites:
1. Can I talk to X? (stranger variant: can I talk to (first name)? I can't remember their last name.)(Does X still work at Western?)
(A: I am not the operator. B: This university has around 30,000 students and quite a lot of faculty/staff. C:WHAT?) My answer: Hmmm. Well, let me see what I can find out for you. (Then, of course, I look up X and cheerfully give them the number.)

2. (more of a conversation)
Did you receive my application?
I'm sorry, I don't have that information. I can transfer you to Graduate Admissions and they should be able to help you.
Oh, Graduate Admissions just transferred me to you.
(WHAT??? OH, Admissions, how I loathe thee!) My response: Oh, I'm sorry they must have misunderstood your request, when I transfer you back tell them that you are interested in finding out the status of your graduate application, it's option one on the touch tone menu.

3. I'd like a master's degree. What degrees do you offer? (Who does this? WHAT???)
My answer: refer them to the website (which never works), ask them to narrow it down by saying, "We offer around 40 different master's programs, could you tell me what fields you are interested in?"

4. Can I get my degree online?
My answer: Not with us.

5. Can I use the printer in the College of Arts and Sciences?
My answer: Maybe you should ask them?

6. Yes, I'd like to sign up for a class.
My answer: you have to talk to a department for that. Which department are you with?
Their answer: oh, I guess I'd like to take a course in X?
My answer: Are you in a program here?
Invariably: no. Can I sign up?
My answer: no.

7. If I have a degree in art therapy/massage/elementary ed/nursing, can I apply for a masters in quantum theory and rocket science?
My answer: why not? Let me transfer you.

I guess they aren't too odd. But sometimes I get some doozies: like the lady who asked me why she couldn't sign up for classes this semester (two weeks after the semester had started, and without having applied to any program...then she yelled at me because someone else told her that Phoenix online wasn't a good school. UM...I don't work there, and it isn't.)

---

I'm just grumpy. Bah.

Oh, Walwood Hall, you maze of shifting crapola and funny smells! (That's like an invocation to the muse.) Why must the soda machine be in the scariest basement ever created? Here is my journey:

We begin in my cube, which I have plastered with pictures of folk I love, toys, and, of course, anime boys kissing other anime boys (stop judging, dang). I sneak past Kevin's office door, looking like I have some place very important to be (like the copy room), and head towards the very posh lobby of the Graduate College (we have a lovely worn leather sofa and some comfy chairs), but before I reach the comfy chairs I make a right, past the copy room, down a narrow aisle between some cubes and into the fabulous break room (which smells of burnt coffee and curry...since I am a smell oriented person, be ready for smell descriptions), which is not fabulous but who cares because I don't take breaks anyway (except for LJ update breaks, like this one); the break room does have one interesting feature, the windows, which are huge, swing open onto the roof (I will have to play out there one day). So, throught the breakroom and it's many smells of old curry, burnt shitty coffee and some soured smell which I will call spoiled yogurt, yes, spoiled yogurt, around a corner and then another corner, and then down a short ramp that leads towards "Public Affairs and Administration" (yes that's a degree program...not quite sure what they do, but no one is ever in the office). Here is where the candlewax smell begins to blend with the curry/food smell, it is quite pungent really...quick, now a left, right, scamper down a very narrow hallway with nothing but windows on one side, and another left, then the hallway opens up to, dah da da, "Cistertian Studies" (I had to look that one up too, don't feel bad. The Cistertian monks (nuns too) were a sect of the Carolignian Monks (see "The Order" with Heath Ledger) who produced a large quantity of Illuminated Manuscripts. There are still 8 orders of Cisterians in the United States, most of the Monistaries/Convents are self sufficent because they run farms. They do not take a "vow" of silence, but do maintain silence unless speaking is necessary. The Cistertian studies dept at WMU is the only department in America devoted to the studies of Cistertians, and produces the BEST (whatever that is) journal on Cistertian findings in the world.) where we find the freaky elevator (going down?). The freaky elevator is carpeted, has a wastebasket (why?) and both front and back doors. I have never seen anyone else on the freaky elevator (either coming or going) unless I have brought them with me. I highly suspect that no one but me uses the freaky elevator unless it's an emergency. So, I'm on the 2nd floor, the soda machine is on the ground floor...this is the point that, if I am with myself I take a deep breath as the elevator doors clothes, if I am with someone else I say..."Ooooh, you are gonna so love this!" (right Rabbit?), and I push the button for the ground floor. Shake, shake, shake, it stops at the ground floor, which is somehow different from the first floor and first floor reverse, and the back doors open to a landing with nothing but plain yellow brick wall. Now I look around cautiously, why is it so quiet? (Although if I ever actually heard a noise I would freak...actually, a few days ago I had the feeling that something was going to happen and as I was walking to the soda machine I heard voices, it turns out someone was getting a soda, but I was scared nonetheless). What is that smell? Candlewax? Red licorice? Cleaner? Onions? Something dead? (all of the above for some reason.) Okay, out of the elevator, and turn right, there are stairs up to The Medieval Institute straight ahead (nerd city) and to the left 8 stairs that go down to the creepiest hallway ever made. (Think boiler room in "Nightmare on Elm Street," think Romania in winter, think cold war patched up bunker, think any minute an alarm will ring and we will be attacked, think someone is breathing behind that door, think no one can hear you here if you have a problem) The walls are smooth yellow ceramic brick and the hallway (four feet wide) is littered with broken furniture. The floor, which was ceramic tile, is patched in long strips with rough cement. Right, Left, past the empty room with no door, it contains only a light table and a microwave, right, now the long hallway, at least 40 or 50 feet, the ceilings are too high (15 feet?) the hallway is too narrow (4 feet) and there is only one door (Women's Restroom...as IF!!). Five to six feet above the floor (near head height) utilities are stretched haphazardly (wires dangle, pipes turn in and out of view, florescent lights hum and flicker), and every 10 feet there is a space in the yellow brick wall covered by rusty grates that are held in with stripped wire and/or duct tape, the space is filled with wires or pipes (one of them steams a bit...very unpleasant) or (the scariest yet) nothing but crawlspace. The long hall ends in a T, blank wall ahead, Utility room to the right, and off to the left? The Cages. Huge fence cages right up to the ceiling with swinging doors and padlocks. Each cage full of old record boxes, damp, moldy papers, and fun new smells (cardboard, the red licorice smell, mudpuddle, dust, old book). Now you have a choice, go through the cage room to the soda machine (which is at the other end), or down the "rat trap hallway" and to the soda machine. I choose rat traps. Someone could be in the cage room. Okay, past more cast off furniture and carpet rolls, past the sticky rat traps that say "Do not Move: Rose Extermination" and through the doorless door on the right. The cages are behind you, and there is the Coke Machine!!! Oh, glory, glory coke machine! (It's like the garden at the end of purgatory.) How did I ever find you, because most people don't know you are there Blessed Coke machine. I love you, gimme a diet coke please!!!??? So, now I have to do the whole thing backwards. Well, maybe it's not a very good story, but it could be. And to be honest, I would totally like to get it on down there...fear is sexy.

Details for Item #100137 found in Scholarship Database

The Graduate Fellowships Program
Item Number: 100137
Categories: General
Agriculture and Life Sciences
Arts and Letters
Business
Computer Science & Engineering
Education and Extension
Law School
Medicine and Health Sciences
Natural Sciences
Social Sciences
Veterinary Medicine
Minority
Women
The United States
Other
Location: USA
Amount ($): 24,000
Deadline (mm/dd): 1/10
Deadline above is (was) for the year: Not specified
Contact info: See detail description
Eligibility/Requirements: The Institute will award fellowships to graduate students who have a record of teaching effectively about Japan, or who show promise to do so in the future. There are no restrictions as to place of study or research in Japan, field of study, or age of applicant. Preference will be given to applicants who have documented interest in Japanese studies, such as the arts, culture, education, language, history, journalism, or business. Preference will be given to those advanced graduate applicants who provide written confirmation of the research or study site in Japan.

Applicants must be U.S. citizens. They must also be enrolled, in good standing, in a graduate program at an accredited higher education institutionin the U.S. The fellowship is for teaching/research master's or doctoral degrees only. Students enrolled in professional graduate degree programs are not eligible (i.e., M.B.A., J.D., M.D., etc.). Fellowship recipients must plan to teach in the U.S. after completing their degree, either at the secondary or higher education levels and should have good public speaking skills.



Description
CCI Graduate Fellowships Program

Purpose and Overview
In 1997 Kobe College Corporation established the Graduate Fellowships Program to fund qualified graduate students for one year of research of study in Japan. Two of the fellowships are restricted to women graduate students and one is open to women and men. Fellowships are for $24,000,one year, and not renewable.

The purpose of the program is to support future American educators to become more knowledgeable about Japan. It is expected that recipients of these fellowships will return to the U.S. to teach about Japan. While in Japan, fellowship recipients will be expected to visit Kobe (Jogakuin) Collegein Nishinomiya to give a presentation on the fellowship topic. Fellows will speak at a key meeting of the CCI in the U.S. upon completion of the fellowship year.

Qualifications
The Cross Cultural Institute will award fellowships to graduate students who have a record of teaching effectively about Japan, or who show promise to do so in the future. There are no restrictions as to place of study or research in Japan, field of study, or age of applicant. Preference will be given to applicants who have documented interest in Japanese studies, such as the arts, culture, education, language, history, journalism, or business. Preference will be given to those advanced graduate applicants who provide written confirmation of the research or study site in Japan.

Applicants must be U.S. citizens. They must also be enrolled, in good standing, in a graduate program at an accredited higher education institutionin the U.S. The fellowship is for teaching/research master's or doctoral degrees only. Students enrolled in professional graduate degree programs are not eligible (i.e., M.B.A., J.D., M.D., etc.). Fellowship recipients must plan to teach in the U.S. after completing their degree, either at the secondary or higher education levels and should have good public speaking skills.

Criteria for Selection

The Graduate Fellowships Program review panel will evaluate each application on the following items in order of importance:
1. scholarly excellence of applicant,
2. quality of proposal,
3. quality of preparation to undertake the proposed fellowship plan,
4. plan for teaching upon completion of degree,
5. documented interest in women's education, and
6. feasibility of project and proposed schedule.
Applications will be reviewed by a distinguished panel of scholars and should be prepared accordingly.

Kobe College as a Research Site

Kobe College, in Nishinomiya City, Hyogo Prefecture, welcomes CCI Fellows to affiliate while in Japan. Within the graduate school of letters, the Department of Japanese Culture has a distinguished faculty who welcome the opportunity to work with American graduate students. The beautiful campus is conveniently located between Kobe and Osaka on the Hankyu TrainLine.Areas of academic research of the faculty include:
Aesthetics
Japanese language and literature(ancient and modern)
Japanese history
History of religions
International relations in the history of modern Japan
For information on affiliation in the Department of Japanese Culture, forward inquiries to:
Professor Terumasa Ueno
Chair of the Graduate School of Letters
Kobe College
4 - 1 Okadayama
Nishinomiya 662 JAPAN
Fax: 798-51-8559
Tel: 798-51-8557

Is rubbing off on her boss, who called her five minutes ago to laugh about some lady's outfit. And laugh we did! Oh, I am not a mean bad person am I? I feel panicky right now because I think that perhaps I am, ouch..my soul hurts, my most of me is achy, and I am cruel and wicked but don't even know it, maybe? Maybe that too, yes. maybe. And also am I so bad that I don't even know what I've said sometimes? Yes, probebly that too. Most likely that too. "Snarky?" Who said that first? I don't remember, but that also...snarky and sarcastic and unintentionally hurtful. I don't know, maybe I don't have emotions, maybe I'm not human ("you're not human it doesn't affect you.") but am just a jerk of a monkey.


Welcome, my friends, to the transition between manic and tragic, we like to call it self-pity and regret with a creamy center of total befuddletude. And no, you may need your whole seat, it could take a while for me to pick a direction. The 4th roast coffee is making my hands shake. I want to eat something other than slim fast. I don't wanna leave town this weekend. I am supposed to be sending out invitations for a bridal shower that has no date (to date). I feel lazy and neurotic at the same time. I don't feel very good, my stomach hurts, and I have a sinus headache. I probebly should have done something very different with my life. Why can't I be happy with a stupid day job? Why can't I be happy and dumb and leave everything at some 9-5 where there's no weight of judgement looming over me like a rabid student loan officer? Why don't I just drink myself silly at the bar? I see people who do this, they seem happy, they seem just fine in their lives. Why is it always little things that eat me alive? I want a big obvious problem with a big obvious solution, but none of my problems even exist, they just mass up, a bunch of smaller illusions and sit on my forehead (right where the crease forms "the curse" between my eyebrows like some sign of the beast) or on my chest and punch me in the neck periodically. Or maybe this is what it is, a small attack of randomly generated guilt/sadness that has no focus and no purpose other than to drive me slowly batshit.

What brought this on? I dunno. I never know. My mom sd I needed crazy pills, I sd no, I am okay with my crazy...and most of the time it's true. Right now I feel like I have too many things to do, but when I sit and think about them they aren't even there.

argh. I just wanna go to bed.

That is all bitches.

I have lost, get this bitches, 18 pounds. HAhahaha! I will keep this going and by Lil' Bob's wedding day, September 10th? (I should find that out), I will have to have my dress taken in. That's right, I said it: TAKEN IN!

I still look smooshy. Damn belly fat. My butt looks awesome though.

The Thesis Defense was very interesting, I hope mine goes so smoothly. I told her that hers was better written than many I've seen at the Master's level (ya'lls selves excluded, of course). She rocked the casbah.

Am still working on the Romance, and have started chapter 3 with some gaps still glaring at me from chapter 2. I should get those filled in this week. Where is it going now? I dunno. All that's there so far is Winter waking up on Ben's couch. What's gonna happen??? (For ya'll who haven't read my shite, Ben is not the love interest.)

Lastly, and painfully, I have that freaking Graviation song stuck in my head. It hurtzes. "Don't forget smile again."
I am rereading Fake, and there is no news on the delivery of my purchased copy of the dvd. SO...I have requested it from NetFlix, and NO, Rabbit, they do not have LEVEL-C at Netflix, apparently it is too naughty (they don't have gravitation either). To sum up, FAKE on it's way wednesday from Netflix, and on back order in Tokyo from Animenation.

What else...the sammy idea was dumb. We will be on the lookout for a free dog, but will not actively pursue dog ownerdom: Bruce came from Jesus because I prayed real hard for a fuzzy dog of my own, so...(am I kidding, you don't know...stop judging me!) we figure that karma will send us a dog when we really need one. And I don't want a damned chihuahua (although I will taunt yours Rabbit, "You want a taco, doggy? mmmm...taco.").

Roy is busy now applying for the KAC grant, and is meeting with the coordinator tommorrow, I am working on crazy theses at the grad college, and B is pouting like I took his pig nose (which I did not). Now, I have to go rassle my dog, and help Roy out with some paperwork. So, vaya con huevos.

It's a former student from my N.A. lit class, and she is doing a paper on N.A. literature in American lit textbooks as used in high-school classrooms. It is horrifying, and brilliant. She has a good critical eye for stupidity in editors...nice! I'm learning things from her now. AWESOME!!!

I'll fill ya'll in on some factoids and deets later.

My past month, for those of you who are keeping tabs...there's like two of you, I talk to you every other day, so, really, it's just like the LOST recap that just aired; you watched it once, here are the highlights (lowlights).

1. Job is good. I like my job a lot. I work too fast. I type like rabbits hump (heh...rabbit). I have not had a regular schedule of waking/sleeping for nearly 8 years(this is the life of an unfocused, undisciplined, insomniac), and it's taking a lot longer to get used to than I expected. Here I am on week three of my easy peasy (up at 8:30, at work by 10, home again by 2ish), and it really seems difficult. Yes, I realize that this is nothing. Yes, you may make fun of me. Understand though that it has been a long time (since I was an undergrad) since I've had any structure to my days whatsoever. Structure is good. Where does all this time come from? I mean, I work, I come home and it's still only 2 something...WOW! And there's nothing to do...no grading, no planning, no required reading, no homework...I have been reading like a crazy person. My biggest obstacle now, is motivating myself to fill this extra time with useful things, rather than bad television. I will say, the structure thing is getting easier each week, by Friday I'm still fried though. The job thing is sweet.

2. Where is everyone going? You mass exodusers, I see how it is, everybody off to new and exciting places...Prague, Hattiesburg (well, that's it really, since Rabbit ain't going to Japan). I'm here, drinking a beer (ooh, I might. I just wrote it because it rhymed, but really a beer?....hmmm...I think I will), sad. SAD PITIFUL MANDIE!!!
I will miss you all as you go out in the world. Sad chapter, sad book, look at all the love though.

3. Bruce had a poop butt today, and it was extremely gross. I tricked him into a bath in the sink. While he was damp and jerrycurled, I gived him a haircut too. It's amazing how small he is when his hair's wet. He has a wee face. Now he smells lovely, like a sweet tart. Yes, he hates it.

4. Roy is a horrible sick person, with a gross little kid funk all over him. He goes to Athens, lives at Dave's and comes back with some sort of gunky rash all over his everything (except that...pervs! That would be extra grody!). And he has a bad head cold. I sent him to the Health Clinic, they say, "you have a gross little kid funk, it'll go away." Pickarhinosaurus Rosea...or something. He has a pink christmas tree on his belly. Meanwhile (zhooahahaaaa), back at Seeger headquarters, he sleeps a lot and gets grumpy easy.

5. Some girl on Oprah confronted her skinny family because they treat her like shit because she's fat. I wanted to punch her dad in the balls (I might have, if he were a man). WHO CARES? fat/skinny...whatever! It's the stupid people I want to beat with a sock full of oranges. Too bad that isn't a legal punishment for stupidity.

6. I ordered the full set of FAKE on ebay for cheapy cheap...ah boy love. Then I was embarassed to tell anyone. So, in order to get over my embarassement, I will post it on my LJ. YEAH, What chu gonna do? ("pa-pow pow").

7. Movies I have seen:
1. National Treasure...wow, at least they didn't even try for any historical accuracy. Fun though. Me likey.
2. Darkness...holy crap, that should have been scary, except that they forgot they had a plot for a half-hour somewhere in the middle. You get a scary minus.
3. Alone in the Dark...Uh. I give it an I guess. But only because there was a cool camera shot in one of the attack scenes. Look for it. It should have been good.
4. Nausicaa...why doesn't she wear pants? People are dicks. Good movie. And, partially funded by the WWF (that's world wildlife fund, not world wrestling federation...hillbillies!), I can see why.
5. Spirited Away...Dave called while we were watching this, he said he had seen it, and it was "trippy shit." I thought it was beautiful and lovely.
6. The Diary of Ellen Rimbauer and Rose Red (the miniseries)...Someone should stop Steven King. Please. I want my life back.
7. Vampire Hunter D...not bad. not bad at all. Those cartoons are freakin scary.
8. Lemony Snicket's A Series of blah diddy blah...very cute for kids and mandies. "I don't speak monkey." Sunny reminds me of my sister, only she used to bite me (mostly).
9. Star Wars 1...holy bad dialog and I hate that fucking kid. I think of this as a racist Home Alone in space, minus Macauly Caulkin's sleepy kid face. "Did I blow up the evil space ship? Oopsie!" I blow you up starwars...and I will not see your movies until they show up on TV (which is where this one was.) I wait in line for no movie...except maybe a few horror movies, but that's it dammit.
10. I'll update you on the Inuyasha movie later po tater.

That's all fer now touchy pantz.

So, the job thing is getting more secure. Ahhhhhh (big sigh), and relax. There is nothing better than free time, but somehow it all becomes ridiculous if there is nothing to frame a day...and it isn't like I have trouble doing nothing. I can do nothing for hours on end. So here's the job...I will be working as a GA in the Graduate College. My main task is to keep track of graduations, theses, and oral defenses, announce those defenses to the colleges and on the website, and keep tabs on everyone in their final stages of grad school. Interesting. A hopeful thing...I may get to lend a hand proofing dissertations for format. I think this sounds extremely interesting, especially since I am going to be doing my own spiffy dissertation soon.
The down bit: Roy does not hear back from University of Wisconsin until May 1st, regarding their fancy fellowship. And since I have (cross,cross) this fancy new job, I don't know what to hope for...on one hand, he can't turn down this fellowship. On the other...I will be the saddest mandie ever if it is just me and bruce in the apartment. I guess I'll just have to do it a lot, and hope everything works out. People have been apart for longer for less important things. Plus, Roy sz that if he has to be away I can get another fuzzy fat dog to play with me and the B.
I'm very happy about this jobby job thing. Look at me: I'm a big kid.

Other stuff:
My camera is broken, it powers off everytime I tilt it level...so, right now it only takes pictures of the floor, or Bruce (who is nearly floor level). I'm going to have to either get that fixed, or get shorter friends.

J-drive escapes to the west on wednesday. Oh, he'll be back! They always come back. Who will wear peej and watch Spidey on the couch with me? Who will sing "Beat it!" at 11 am and 11 pm. Alas.

Because of my keen new job I will not be able to attend OU's LitFest this year (and it was a goodun!). Roy will go without me, and have loads of fun, and I will be at home, so somebody stop by and play. I was planning on taking a day trip to Portsmouth during our stay, so that I could take some pics (broken camera) and some notes for a long poem series I'm working on. Ifin you wants ta see it you should come by...it's nuts! This trip will, unfortunately, be delayed.

Must walk dog now...he might explode...ewh!